Attachment in Relationships:

This week started off pretty hopping. We got to have Monday morning off, and then that afternoon, we piled up in the wonderful Kanakuk buses and headed off to play some bowling. I don’t even know if you say, “Play some bowling,” but who cares. I’m not the most fantastic bowler, but I’m also not too shabby. I beat all the girls in my group, and that is all that counts right? Solid. Tuesday morning, I was feeling a little drained until Joe White came into the chapel to teach the first half of our class. We walked through how history and the Bible line up with each other. It was actually pretty cool, but my mind was blown the entire time. It was like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant. I got what I could though! The rest of Tuesday and until Thursday, Joshua Straub gave us some pretty cool Biblical and Psychological information. We learned that we are made for relationships. We went into detail about different relationship types, and I learned that I am a hardcore avoider. I will never admit when something is wrong and I want to avoid conflict above anything else. I want to keep the peace and make everyone else happy. I like being this way, but it is so selfish of me to think like this. I am living to please man rather than to please God. He tells us that we will be hated because of His name, so I need to let them hate! The main question that we ask ourselves, whether we want to or not, is, “Is this situation safe or am I in a dangerous place?” It is funny that Joshua said this, because I realized that is my first instinct. To either be fearful and know that I am not safe, or to be calm and know that I am safe. We then talked about how to break free. Step one is to remember your story. Step two, recognize your pain and need for healing. Three, reframe the meaning of your story. Four, repair your story through forgiveness, grace, and acceptance. Step five is to reconnect, deepening emotional stand of safety, trust, and intimacy; able to accept influence from others. Intimacy is the willingness to endure the negative feelings I get when I get close to another person. You choose if you want to be in a relationship, you can choose to leave. You have to be willing to be intimate with that person, but commitment is a choice and a promise. Give up the right you have to punish another person for what they did to you. Give up self blame. “If you are constantly beating yourself up and blaming yourself as the problem, you are basically saying Christ’s death on the cross was just not good enough for you.” This quote hit me hard. He is talking about me. I never put it in this perspective, but I am living this way. How foolish. “The past is not the past if it is effecting your future.” Leave a legacy like Ruth. She says in Ruth 1:16-17, “Where you go, I go. Your people shall be my people. Your God shall be my God. And where you die, I will die. There I will be buried.”